{"id":109278,"date":"2018-04-16T12:00:59","date_gmt":"2018-04-16T11:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/?p=109278"},"modified":"2018-04-14T19:42:11","modified_gmt":"2018-04-14T18:42:11","slug":"space-alien-reveals-trump-romp","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/2018\/04\/space-alien-reveals-trump-romp\/","title":{"rendered":"Space Alien Reveals Trump Romp!"},"content":{"rendered":"

12 Apr 2018 – <\/em>I know it sounds incredible, but this is how it happened\u2026.<\/p>\n

I was flipping channels on my Fake News cable box, hunting\/searching for a morsel of something tasty, digestible and real<\/em>, when suddenly there was a strange buzzing in my ears, I felt a bit dizzy, I lay down on my sofa, and I heard a high-pitched, electronic-like voice\u2014some static, I mean–messaging:<\/p>\n

\u201cYou there?\u00a0 Hello?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026, it\u2019s me\u2026. I, ah, I ah\u2026 who is this?\u00a0 And, ah, what are you doing in my head?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo worries mate,\u201d says the voice in high-pitched Australianese.\u00a0 \u201cThis is Dugan.\u00a0 From, Xanthum Gum.\u00a0 You\u2019re being channeled!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u00a0 Why me?\u00a0 And, what the hell is this?\u00a0 Some new cable service I did not request?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo need for alarm.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been selected among the 7-odd billion earthlings to receive this transmission\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, it\u2019s a good joke!\u00a0 Ah\u2026hold on a minute, will you?\u201d<\/p>\n

I looked out my window.\u00a0 No drones in sight.\u00a0 No chemtrails in the sky.\u00a0 Somewhere between wonder and alarm, fear and amusement\u2014bemused!\u2014<\/em>I decided to take a chance; play along.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou won\u2019t find anything out there,\u201d the voice assured me.\u00a0 \u201cThis is one-on-one.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been selected.\u00a0 You\u2019re being channelled.\u00a0 From Xanthum Gum.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere the hell is Xanthum Gum?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cA galaxy far, far away\u2026. A time way, way back.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the hell kind of name is \u2018Xanthum Gum\u2019\u2026for a planet?!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat the hell kind of name is \u2018Earth\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s got \u2018heart\u2019 in it; and \u2018art\u2019\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd \u2018tear.\u2019\u00a0 All kinds of tears!\u2026. And Xanthum Gum has \u2018human\u2019 in it.\u00a0 Maybe that\u2019s our connection\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026. Okay\u2026. So?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHold on a minute, will you?\u00a0 I\u2019ve had the TV on mute while we\u2019re talking\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know\u2026. By the way, the word is \u2018channeling\u2019\u2014not \u2018talking\u2019\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026right\u2026whatever\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

I turned up the sound to catch the \u201cBreaking News.\u201d\u00a0 The station was breaking into its live coverage of Nikki Haley at the UN, condemning the \u201cSyrian\u201d chemical attack on civilians in order to tell all of us credulous listeners about Stormy Daniel\u2019s latest revelations about her affair with Trump and her \u201calleged\u201d hush money\u2026.<\/p>\n

No!\u00a0 That wasn\u2019t it, either!\u00a0 That was just background noise\u2014the lead-up.\u00a0 The real \u201cbreaking news\u201d was that Trump\u2019s personal lawyer had had his offices ransacked and documents seized because of that alleged pay-off to the stripper to keep her mouth shut about that alleged affair some ten years ago!\u00a0 And somehow it was all related to the Mueller investigation!<\/p>\n

\u201cYou call that news?\u201d said Dugan in my head.<\/p>\n

\u201cPretty pathetic, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFor that they interrupt news about a chemical attack on civilians and the possibility of a major war?\u00a0 Even a nuclear war?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d I sighed.\u00a0 \u201cIt makes me ashamed to call myself American!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOr human?\u201d<\/p>\n

I nodded.\u00a0 And answered in my head: \u201cYeah\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI mean,\u201d channeled Dugan: \u201cWhere\u2019s the beef?…. I mean, don\u2019t you have to have credible sources of information, reliable witnesses\u2014all that?\u00a0 Before declaring war?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe used to think so\u2026. Now it\u2019s just accuse, confuse and abuse\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not sure you\u2019re gonna make it\u2026. your species, I mean\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNeither am I\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026. You wanted to tell me something?\u00a0 I mean\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course\u2026. The channeling\u2026. You\u2019ll get this to the right people, won\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOnly the best\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt may shed some light\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs Ross Perot used to say, \u2018I\u2019m all ears!\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

I could have sworn I heard something like a high-pitched chuckle on the other end.\u00a0 \u201cSo are we,\u201d laughed Dugan.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ve got 4 of them\u2026. 4 eyes, too!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe used to call kids with glasses, \u20184-eyes\u2019!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe know\u2026. That would amuse us!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat else can you tell me about yourself?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re highly evolved, of course.\u00a0 Much higher than you.\u00a0 We\u2019ve been around much longer.\u00a0 We\u2019re organic and high-tech\/IT\u2014macrobiotic, macro-conscious, androidal, androgynous, amphibious, ambidextrous, and, for the fun of it–somewhat ambivalent and ambiguous!\u00a0 But, we make it work! The best of both worlds\u2026all worlds, really.\u00a0 We\u2019re in touch with beings across our galaxy\u2014and now yours.\u00a0 We\u2019ve been watching your development\u2014your evolution and devolution, your yin and yang\u2014since your Cro Magnon days.\u00a0 In spite of numerous setbacks\u2014horrors, really!\u2014we thought there was hope for you\u2026. Now, we\u2019re not sure\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re here to save us?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, no\u2026. We can\u2019t do that!\u00a0 The \u201cPrime Directive,\u201d and all that!\u00a0 Only you can do that!\u00a0 I mean, you<\/em>-plural.\u00a0 Acting together.\u00a0 You know\u2014to save the planet!\u00a0 To save yourselves!\u00a0 It\u2019s \u201cLove-it-or-Leave-it\u201d time!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut, you\u2019re here!\u00a0 I mean\u2014in my head!\u00a0 You\u2019ve got something to say, some guidance?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can help.\u00a0 That\u2019s in our nature.\u00a0 We learned to manage our best natures.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd\u2026can you teach us?….\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou already know\u2026. It\u2019s in your \u2018Good Book\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhich one?\u201d<\/p>\n

A slight chuckle on the other end\u2026. \u201cThat\u2019s true!\u00a0 You\u2019ve had a few\u2026. Inspired souls along the way\u2026. And lots of bullshit, too!\u201d<\/p>\n

Resolutely: \u201cYeah\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2018A false balance is abomination to the Lord: but a just weight is His delight.\u2019\u00a0 That\u2019s the gist of it.\u00a0 That\u2019s the one I meant\u2026the one I was thinking of\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBalance?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026. \u2018The Marriage of Heaven and Hell.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

You know Blake?<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course\u2026. He was one of us!\u00a0 A little make-up, voice-training\u2026. There were others, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDa Vinci?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cKing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMochiron!…. <\/em>as they say in Japan!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cElizabeth Cady Stanton, Susan B. Anthony, and\u2014\u201c<\/p>\n

\u201cYes.\u00a0 That\u2019s fine.\u00a0 That\u2019s enough for now\u2026. Now let me tell you what I want you to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou go to the best news outlets you know\u2026and you tell them, \u201cDonald Trump had sex with Xanthum Gumians!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHuh?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s \u2018cognitive dissonance\u2019.\u00a0 You humans are so f\u2019cked-up now, you don\u2019t know what to believe, who to believe\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s true, but\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, it is <\/em>true, by the way\u2026. We\u2019ve got the tapes!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt all happened several years ago\u2014long before his candidacy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut\u2026.\u00a0 But\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ve got to be shocked!\u00a0 You \u201cpeople\u201d!\u00a0 Wars don\u2019t shock you anymore!\u00a0 Killing children doesn\u2019t shock you.\u00a0 Planetary devastation doesn\u2019t\u2026. The obscene disparities between the disgustingly wealthy and the impoverished living in disgusting conditions!\u00a0 How do you break through?\u00a0 How do we break through?\u00a0 Divert, and convert.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cInvent a story about a sexual diversion and that\u2019s going to save the planet?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe implausible being plausible!\u00a0 \u201cTell all the Truth, but tell it slant,\u201d Emily Dickinson wrote.<\/p>\n

\u201cShe, too?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure\u2026. One of us\u2026. Why do you think she preferred her hermit ways?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know\u2026.I mean\u2014it\u2019s so far-fetched!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut it\u2019s true\u2026. I was there\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2026were\u2026with\u2026the President?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe wasn\u2019t President then.\u00a0 I told you\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt was\u2026. I mean\u2026. How was it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAs \u201cMy Fair Lady\u201d sang: it was \u2018loverly\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is kind of hard to take in!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

I staggered off the sofa.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2026I\u2026I need a drink,\u201d I stammered.<\/p>\n

\u201cHelp yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

I drank a glass of red wine, telling myself I needed the resveratrol to clear my head.<\/p>\n

\u201cHave a second,\u201d said Dugan.\u00a0 \u201cResveratrol and long life to you!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCheers!\u201d I said to the empty room.<\/p>\n

But it wasn\u2019t empty anymore.\u00a0 It was full of a cast of characters I knew from books and movies and TV.\u00a0 Unlikely characters, who played their parts and then were gone.\u00a0 Tragic characters and humorous ones.\u00a0 Laurel and Hardy and Charlie Chaplin, Hippocrates and Socrates, Jesus and Muhammad.\u00a0 All in the great whirl.<\/p>\n

\u201cAny clearer?\u201d Dugan wondered.<\/p>\n

I shook my head. \u201cAt this pivotal, crucial moment in history, the evolution of our species, the fate of the Earth–I think we are all<\/u> the problem!–the “masses,” the Left, the Right, the in-between, the elites, “educated,” and “uneducated,” Christian, Jew, Muslim, Hindu, anarchist, Socialist, Capitalist, the too fat and the too thin!\u00a0 People\u00a0“knew” more when Tom Paine was a pamphleteer than we\u00a0“know” now with all our infotainment!\u00a0 We’re tainted with what we know and do not know.\u00a0 There are too many of us, too many clashing cymbals\u00a0(and symbols).\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s right!\u00a0 Now you\u2019ve got it!\u00a0 Or at least you\u2019re getting it!\u00a0 Clear the decks!\u201d<\/p>\n

I sighed audibly.\u00a0 \u201cWith the fantastic?\u00a0 The unbelievable?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat else do you have?\u201d<\/p>\n

I sighed again\u2026. \u201cAre you a woman?\u201d I asked Dugan.<\/p>\n

\u201cDepends\u2026. Are you proposing\u2026or propositioning?\u201d Dugan answered.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u00a0 Just wondering\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIf that\u2019s what you prefer\u2026so be it\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut what do you look like?\u00a0 I mean\u2014beyond the 4 ears and 4 eyes?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd 2 noses?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Lord!\u201d<\/p>\n

Dugan laughed: \u201cWhatever you want me to look like; however you want me to sound.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen\u2026 you\u2019re just in my head\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLittle man!\u00a0 Go to the desert!\u00a0 Go to the mountaintop!\u00a0 Behold your Milky Way in an unpolluted sky, flooded with stars and rivers of worlds, flowing beyond imagining.\u00a0 Just in your head?\u00a0 Can you still dare to imagine?\u201d<\/p>\n

____________________________________________<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>Dr. Gary Steven Corseri is a m<\/em>ember of the <\/em>TRANSCEND Network for Peace Development Environment.<\/a> He<\/em> has published and posted articles, fiction and poems at hundreds of venues, including,<\/em> TMS (Transcend Media Service<\/a>)<\/a>, The New York Times, Village Voice, Redbook Magazine and<\/em> Counterpunch.\u00a0 He has published 2 novels and 2 collections of poetry, and his dramas have been produced on<\/em> PBS-Atlanta and elsewhere.\u00a0 He has performed his poems at the Carter Presidential Library and Museum and has taught in universities in the US and Japan, and in US public schools and prisons.\u00a0 Contact: <\/em>Gary_Corseri@comcast.net<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

12 Apr 2018 – I know it sounds incredible, but this is how it happened\u2026. I was flipping channels on my Fake News cable box, hunting\/searching for a morsel of something tasty, digestible and real, when suddenly there was a strange buzzing in my ears, I felt a bit dizzy, I lay down on my sofa, and I heard a high-pitched, electronic-like voice\u2014some static, I mean\u2014messaging.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":84067,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[213],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-109278","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-food-for-thought"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/109278","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=109278"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/109278\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/84067"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=109278"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=109278"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=109278"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}