{"id":12948,"date":"2011-06-20T12:00:54","date_gmt":"2011-06-20T11:00:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/?p=12948"},"modified":"2011-06-19T14:17:05","modified_gmt":"2011-06-19T13:17:05","slug":"leaked-mainstream-medias-dictionary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/2011\/06\/leaked-mainstream-medias-dictionary\/","title":{"rendered":"Leaked: Mainstream Media’s Dictionary (satire) – Letters A to B"},"content":{"rendered":"

A –<\/strong><\/p>\n

academic<\/strong>. adj.<\/em><\/p>\n

Man in bow-tie. Usually represents think-tank or university. Explains the science behind global warming and\/or new CERN project while anchor<\/em> nods pretending to understand.<\/p>\n

accident.<\/strong> n.<\/em><\/p>\n

Airstrike in Afghanistan by NATO\/ISAF forces usually killing scores of men, women and children.<\/p>\n

accountability.<\/strong> n.<\/em><\/p>\n

The thing our leaders demand of the bad guys.<\/p>\n

ad lib.<\/strong> v.<\/em><\/p>\n

The \u201ceerrrrmm…\u201d, \u201cerrrr\u201d, \u201cwell, let\u2019s take a look at errr…wait…err…\u201d, \u201clet\u2019s bring you up to speed now with the ummmm, latest, and errr, join errrr…\u201d that is often heard from usually articulate news anchor<\/em> in a breaking news<\/em> situation.<\/p>\n

admission.<\/strong> n.<\/em><\/p>\n

Occurs usually one week after the first pictures of the politician\u2019s sensitive anatomical part appears on the internet, three days after first stringent denial.<\/p>\n

airstrike<\/strong>. n.<\/em><\/p>\n

See accident<\/em>.<\/p>\n

alive.<\/strong> adj.<\/em><\/p>\n

Not newsworthy. See dead<\/em>.<\/p>\n

allegation.<\/strong> n.<\/em><\/p>\n

The absolute truth, until the other guy responds in the next bulletin.<\/p>\n

alleviate.<\/strong> v. tr.<\/em><\/p>\n

Often used by the UN secretary-general. Usually sandwiched between \u201caim to\u201d and \u201cpoverty\u201d.<\/p>\n

ally.<\/strong> n.<\/p>\n

Visionary leader who hears and obeys the US president. Need not be democratically elected. See reformist<\/em>.<\/p>\n

amnesty international.<\/strong> n.<\/em><\/p>\n

all-knowing, all-seeing, all-hearing superman, batman, spiderman, wonderwoman hybrid force of moral perfection bringing peace, justice and human rights to the world.<\/p>\n

anchor.<\/strong> n.<\/p>\n

Suited, autocue\/teleprompter reader. Raises eyebrow when asking tough questions. Shakes head in empathy when informing viewer of death and destruction.<\/p>\n

Prone to asking, \u201cWhat\u2019s the latest?\u201d and \u201cHow significant is this?\u201d<\/p>\n

Oftentimes asked to talk to a blank screen on occasion. See ad lib<\/em> and breaking news<\/em>.<\/p>\n

answer. <\/strong>n. <\/em><\/p>\n

Something said or done in reaction to question from anchor<\/em>, often interjected or cut-off before point is made.<\/p>\n

anti-Semite.<\/strong> n.<\/em><\/p>\n

Guest or commentator who has ever used the words \u201cIsraeli occupation\u201d on network.<\/p>\n

apartheid.<\/strong> n.<\/em><\/p>\n

System of South African racial segregation and white supremacy.<\/p>\n

Lasted half a century, ended 17 years ago. No living, contemporary human being has ever been found to have supported it. Unrelated to any other modern conflicts. See anti-Semite.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>apology.<\/strong> n.<\/em><\/p>\n

See airstrike; accident; admission.<\/em><\/p>\n

Arabic.<\/strong> n<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Language heard during news report\u2019s first five seconds of natural sound, usually shouted by bearded men in a fiery collective exclamation of ALLAHU-AKBAR, followed by loud blast, then reporter\u2019s voice and the rest of the news report follows. Recently heard in Benghazi.<\/p>\n

arrest. <\/strong>v. tr<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Archaic form of dealing with terrorists, superseded by airstrike<\/em>.<\/p>\n

asylum seeker.<\/strong> n.<\/em><\/p>\n

Unskilled, usually lazy third-world traveler. Exaggerates own country\u2019s internal problems. Part of broader plot to steal western jobs and destroy the economy.<\/p>\n

atrocity.<\/strong> n.<\/em><\/p>\n

Act of mass murder. Only Arab, Asian, African and Balkan leaders capable. See genocide<\/em>.<\/p>\n

attack.<\/strong> v. tr.<\/em><\/p>\n

Act of violence by a non-state group or entity. For state response, see defence; retaliation.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/em>authentic.<\/strong> adj.<\/em><\/p>\n

YouTube video and\/or blog or Facebook update from activist in restive country.\u00a0For immediate broadcast.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

**********************<\/p>\n

B \u2013<\/strong><\/p>\n

baggage<\/strong>. n<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Part of travelling entourage left unfondled by the US Transportation Security Administration (TSA).<\/p>\n

bailout<\/strong>. n<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Urgent taxpayer-funded cash payment for upgrade of banking executive\u2019s yacht after financial crisis.<\/p>\n

Bahrain<\/strong>. n<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Nothing happening here, move on.<\/p>\n

bank<\/strong>. n<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Distressed and oppressed institution, in need of immediate government financial assistance. Advertises between our bulletins. See infallible<\/em>, bailout.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ban Ki-moon<\/strong>. n<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Short form of Korean name. Add \u201chas called for all sides to exercise restraint and engage in dialogue” for full form.<\/p>\n

banner<\/strong>. n<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Written public affirmation or statement, usually found at demonstrations.\u00a0Banners with the words \u201cPEACE; LOVE; HARMONY\u201d or related concepts generally avoided. Camera ideally focused on \u201cDEATH TO AMERICA; 9\/11; SHARIA LAW; NO IMMIGRANTS; GO BACK TO MEXICO\u201d and other related concepts.<\/p>\n

Barack Obama<\/strong>. n<\/em>.<\/p>\n

See Messiah<\/em>.<\/p>\n

barbaric<\/strong>. adj<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Dastardly Third World acts like \u201chonour-killing\u201d, genital mutilation and sacrificial sheep slaughter. Not to be confused with first-world social issues. See crime<\/em>, domestic abuse<\/em>, McDonald\u2019s<\/em>.<\/p>\n

BBC<\/strong>. n<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Moral compass. Useful website when AP, Reuters or AFP agencies are lacking in information.\u00a0Copy-paste discouraged. Always re-phrase. See God<\/em>.<\/p>\n

bleak<\/strong>. adj<\/em>.<\/p>\n

See Israeli-Palestinian conflict<\/em>.<\/p>\n

bluff<\/strong>. v<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Any Hamas, FARC, Hezbollah, Naxalite, ETA, LTTE offer of peace or ceasefire without conditions.<\/p>\n

bomb<\/strong>. n<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Top story.<\/p>\n

border<\/strong>. n<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Arbitrary, 20th century artificial line drawn up by first-world leaders, imposed on third-world countries. Often heard in conjunction with Ban Ki-moon<\/em>.<\/p>\n

breaking news<\/strong>. n<\/em>.<\/p>\n

See airstrike, bomb, earthquake, tsunami <\/em>or Tiger Woods.<\/em><\/p>\n

brown<\/strong>. adj<\/em>.<\/p>\n

See suspect<\/em>.<\/p>\n

bulldoze<\/strong>. v<\/em>. tr<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Peaceful clearing of disputed land to fulfil divine will. See West Bank.<\/em><\/p>\n

burqas<\/strong>. n<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Banned, violent weapons engaged in asymmetric warfare aimed at overthrowing European values. Fears that there may be as many as five in Paris alone.<\/p>\n

Go to Originals:<\/strong><\/p>\n

<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

aljazeera.net<\/a><\/p>\n

aljazeera.net<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

academic. adj.
\nMan in bow-tie. Usually represents think-tank or university. Explains the science behind global warming and\/or new CERN project while anchor nods pretending to understand.
\nbaggage. n.
\nPart of travelling entourage left unfondled by the US Transportation Security Administration (TSA).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12948","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-media"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12948","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12948"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12948\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12948"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12948"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12948"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}