{"id":235370,"date":"2023-05-15T12:00:54","date_gmt":"2023-05-15T11:00:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/?p=235370"},"modified":"2023-05-14T03:39:00","modified_gmt":"2023-05-14T02:39:00","slug":"my-mothers-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/2023\/05\/my-mothers-day\/","title":{"rendered":"My Mother\u2019s Day"},"content":{"rendered":"

Happy Mother\u2019s Day, Mom!<\/em>
\n14 May 2023<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I am old now \u2026<\/strong>
\nBut not in my mind\u2019s eye.
\nFrom my lifetime eye,
\nMillions of memories
\nPass before me,
\nStruggling for attention,
\nExploration, closure, place.<\/p>\n

Faces, events, experiences!
\nWinning . . . losing,
\nReminding me who I am,
\nSources of meaning,
\nSculptor of being!
\nIdentity . . . identities.<\/p>\n

Memories coded as images and emotions,
\nRegret, guilt, shame, anger;
\nExperiences inscribed,
\nIndelibly!
\nIncapable of escape!
\nEach moment renewed!
\nTimeless!<\/p>\n

I Am Two! <\/strong><\/p>\n

My Parents quarrel,
\nMother in tears, sobbing,
\nFather sulking:
\n\u201cShut up!\u201d
\nSomething is wrong!<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can\u2019t go on like this.\u201d
\n\u201cBe quiet, damn it!\u201d
\nWho said that?
\nDid I say that?
\nWho yells?
\nWho screams?<\/p>\n

I Am Three!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Freshly poured concrete,
\nDominates smell!
\nDarkness!
\nA basement – damp, cold!
\n\u201cWhy are we here?\u201d
\nA gray place!
\nPoles, walls, wires!<\/p>\n

Mother lights votive candles,
\nUrges me to be silent,
\nShussshhhh!
\nA finger pressed against her lips!
\nI see her face in flickering light.
\nAn image I will keep for life.
\nA Babuska\u2019d Madonna!
\nSmiling!
\nSoothing my fear!<\/p>\n

Refuge in basements of unfinished houses,
\nAwaiting workers to depart,
\nEntering,
\nCareful to avoid wooden lumber, nails.
\nHow prophetic!
\n\u201cHold on to my hand!\u201d<\/p>\n

Mother opens a can of beans,
\nFeeds me with spoon!
\n\u201cDid you pay the bill?\u201d she asks.
\nFather turns away!
\nWe are homeless!
\nNow I know,
\nBut not then!<\/p>\n

Blankets spread on a damp, cold-concrete floor.
\n\u201cGo to sleep now, Babe!
\nSay your prayers.\u201d
\nI do as I am told!
\n\u201cNow I lay me down to sleep . . . . \u201c
\nDo my words comfort her?
\nWhat do they mean?
\n\u201cCould I die before I wake?\u201d
\n\u201c<\/strong>Could she?\u201d<\/p>\n

I Am Four:<\/strong><\/p>\n

We walk to the bus stop!
\nI hold my mother\u2019s hand.
\nWe stop! Await another!
\nWe step from the bus,
\nMother holds me,
\nSmiles,
\nAlways the smile!
\n\u201cIt is okay!\u201d<\/p>\n

We walk an unfamiliar street,
\nBig buildings!
\nTraffic!
\nNo words spoken,
\nIt is night,
\nIt is cold,
\nI am afraid.<\/p>\n

Now I know the story!<\/strong><\/p>\n

But then it was a movie!
\nActors playing parts!
\nToo much to understand!
\n\u201cDo as you are told!
\nDo not cause problems!\u201d<\/p>\n

We walk South on Euclid Avenue,
\nStopping at 86th<\/sup> Street;
\nMother looking for an address,
\nA torn sheet of paper in her hand!
\n\u201cRegency Hotel!\u201d <\/strong><\/p>\n

We pass a Black man begging on the street.
\nShe opens her coin purse,
\nGives him some money!
\nHe says: \u201cThank You!\u201d
\nShe smiles!<\/p>\n

\u201cI feel so sorry for them, Babe.
\nThey have nothing.\u201d
\nWe pass a White Castle Restaurant.
\nWhite tile everywhere,
\nBright lights,
\nHaven from night!
\nSingle shining star!<\/p>\n

\u201cI am hungry, Mommy.\u201d
\nWe go inside,
\nSit on two counter stools.
\nMother orders a 15 cent hamburger and 10 cent hot chocolate for me.
\nA cup of coffee for herself!
\nShe wipes my nose with a napkin!
\nTakes another napkin for herself!<\/p>\n

Fifteen years later, <\/strong>
\nI go back to this place that sealed my fate.<\/strong>
\nThe scene is etched in my mind.<\/strong>
\nI remember everything!<\/strong>
\nPlace, meal, smell, people!<\/strong>
\nI search for restaurant and hotel,<\/strong>
\nSpying them from my car window,\u00a0 <\/strong>
\nI stop!\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 <\/strong>
\nParalyzed by memory!<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cEat, Babe!
\n\u201cIt is good for you.\u201d
\nWe depart,
\nReturn to cold night air.
\nMother covers my face,
\nA wool maroon scarf . . .
\nDraped around neck, mouth!
\nKeep out the cold!
\nProtect!<\/p>\n

We walk until we reach an apartment building.
\nThe door is locked.
\nAn expletive!
\n\u201cOh shit!\u201d
\nWe wait.<\/p>\n

A man comes, enters,
\nMy mother smiles:
\n\u201cWe lost our key,\u201d
\nHow could he turn us away?
\nMadonna and child!
\nOnce again!<\/p>\n

We enter,
\nWalk up two flights.
\nMother looks at numbers on the door
\nHere it is: 204.
\nShe knocks.
\nShe waits.
\nI watch.<\/p>\n

A mystery unfolding!
\nSealing my fate!
\nA door opens,
\nA man — my father!
\nUnder shirt and socks!
\nI know him!
\nI do not know him!<\/p>\n

Mother kneels in tears,
\n\u201cJoe, please come back.\u201d
\n\u201cWe need you.\u201d
\n\u201cBabe needs you.\u201d
\n\u201cPlease, Joe!\u201d
\n\u201cGet the hell out!
\nLeave me alone!
\nGet outta here!\u201d<\/p>\n

In the background,
\nI see a woman:
\nBlonde hair!
\nIn a slip!
\nI turn away.
\nStare at the ground!<\/p>\n

The door slams shut!
\nMother continues to kneel!
\nWiping away tears.
\nI hear sobs!
\nI do not look!
\nI remember!<\/p>\n

I Am 62 Years Old . . . <\/strong><\/p>\n

Mother dies in my arms!
\nIn a hospital bed,
\nI cry!\u00a0 I sob!
\n\u201cMom, I love you so much.
\nThank you, Mom!Thank you, Mom!
\nMommmm . . . . . !
\nNo!\u00a0 No!\u00a0 No!<\/p>\n

COMMENT<\/strong>:<\/p>\n

Mother\u2019s Day \u2013 May 10, 2015; \u00a0May 14, 2023:<\/strong>\u00a0 <\/em><\/p>\n

I am old now . . . 82 Years Old. I remember every November 4, as my Mom\u2019s Birthday. I remember every November 19, as her passing. How could I forget?<\/p>\n

Together we struggled. My Mother: hugging, holding, loving, protecting, encouraging, advising.\u00a0 Doing everything she could to make sure I would be well, even as she survived amid suffering, content with simple transient pleasures.<\/p>\n

We spoke Sicilian, but knew Italian! AMACORD!<\/strong><\/p>\n

___________________________________________<\/em><\/p>\n

A version of this poetic essay is published in Anthony J. Marsella, (2016). Poems Across Time and Place: A Journey of Heart and Mind<\/em><\/strong>. \u00a0Mountain Arbor Press, Alpharetta, Georgia. ISBN: 978-163182-040-2<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a> Anthony J. Marsella, Ph.D., a member of the <\/em>TRANSCEND Network for Peace Development Environment<\/a>, is a past president of Psychologists for Social Responsibility, Emeritus Professor of psychology at the University of Hawaii\u2019s Manoa Campus in Honolulu, Hawaii, and past director of the World Health Organization Psychiatric Research Center in Honolulu. \u00a0He is known internationally as a pioneer figure in the study of culture and psychopathology who challenged the ethnocentrism and racial biases of many assumptions, theories, and practices in psychology and psychiatry. In more recent years, he has been writing and lecturing on peace and social justice. He has published 21 books and more than 300 articles, tech reports, and popular commentaries. His<\/em> TMS articles may be accessed<\/em> HERE<\/a>.<\/em> Emails: <\/em>marsella@hawaii.edu<\/em>\u00a0<\/em><\/a>or ajmarsella@gmail.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Happy Mother\u2019s Day, Mom!
\n14 May 2023<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":115836,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[182],"tags":[868],"class_list":["post-235370","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-poetry-format","tag-poetry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/235370","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=235370"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/235370\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":235375,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/235370\/revisions\/235375"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/115836"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=235370"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=235370"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=235370"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}