{"id":42447,"date":"2014-05-05T12:00:30","date_gmt":"2014-05-05T11:00:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/?p=42447"},"modified":"2015-05-05T21:35:02","modified_gmt":"2015-05-05T20:35:02","slug":"9-things-emotionally-intelligent-people-wont-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/2014\/05\/9-things-emotionally-intelligent-people-wont-do\/","title":{"rendered":"9 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Won’t Do"},"content":{"rendered":"

My last article, How Successful People Stay Calm<\/a>, really struck a nerve (it has more than a million reads here on Forbes).<\/em><\/p>\n

The trick is that managing your emotions is as much about what you won\u2019t do as it is about what you will do. My company, TalentSmart,<\/a> has tested the emotional intelligence of more than a million people, so I went back to the data to uncover the kinds of things that emotionally intelligent people are careful to avoid in order to keep themselves calm, content, and in control. They consciously avoid these behaviors because they are tempting and easy to fall into if one isn\u2019t careful.<\/p>\n

Click to enlarge<\/p>\n

\"emotional<\/a><\/p>\n

While the list that follows isn\u2019t exhaustive, it presents nine key things that you can avoid in order to increase your emotional intelligence.<\/p>\n

They Won\u2019t Let Anyone<\/em> Limit Their Joy<\/strong><\/p>\n

When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from comparing yourself to others, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they\u2019ve done, they won\u2019t let anyone\u2019s opinions or accomplishments take that away from them.<\/p>\n

While it\u2019s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don\u2019t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people\u2019s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within. Regardless of what people think of you at any particular moment, one thing is certain\u2014you\u2019re never as good or bad as they say you are.<\/p>\n

They Won\u2019t Forget<\/strong><\/p>\n

Emotionally intelligent people are quick to forgive, but that doesn\u2019t mean that they forget. Forgiveness requires letting go of what\u2019s happened so that you can move on. It doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ll give a wrongdoer another chance. Emotionally intelligent people are unwilling to be bogged down unnecessarily by others\u2019 mistakes, so they let them go quickly and are assertive in protecting themselves from future harm.<\/p>\n

They Won\u2019t Die in the Fight<\/strong><\/p>\n

Emotionally intelligent people know how important it is to live to fight another day. In conflict, unchecked emotion makes you dig your heels in and fight the kind of battle that can leave you severely damaged. When you read and respond to your emotions, you\u2019re able to choose your battles wisely and only stand your ground when the time is right.<\/p>\n

They Won\u2019t Prioritize Perfection<\/strong><\/p>\n

Emotionally intelligent people won\u2019t set perfection as their target because they know it doesn\u2019t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you\u2019re always left with a nagging sense of failure, and you end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of enjoying what you were able to achieve.<\/p>\n

They Won\u2019t Live in the Past<\/strong><\/p>\n

Failure can erode your self-confidence and make it hard to believe you\u2019ll achieve a better outcome in the future. Most of the time, failure results from taking risks and trying to achieve something that isn\u2019t easy. Emotionally intelligent people know that success lies in their ability to rise in the face of failure, and they can\u2019t do this when they\u2019re living in the past. Anything worth achieving is going to require you to take some risks, and you can\u2019t allow failure to stop you from believing in your ability to succeed. When you live in the past, that is exactly what happens, and your past becomes your present, preventing you from moving forward.<\/p>\n

They Won\u2019t Dwell on Problems<\/strong><\/p>\n

Where you focus your attention determines your emotional state. When you fixate on the problems that you\u2019re facing, you create and prolong negative emotions and stress, which hinders performance. When you focus on actions to better yourself and your circumstances, you create a sense of personal efficacy that produces positive emotions and improves performance. Emotionally intelligent people won\u2019t dwell on problems because they know they\u2019re most effective when they focus on solutions.<\/p>\n

They Won\u2019t Hang Around Negative People<\/strong><\/p>\n

Complainers are bad news because they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don\u2019t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there\u2019s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral. You can avoid getting drawn in only by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Think of it this way: if a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You\u2019d distance yourself, and you should do the same with complainers. A great way to set limits is to ask complainers how they intend to fix a problem. The complainer will then either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.<\/p>\n

They Won\u2019t Hold Grudges<\/strong><\/p>\n

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event involved sends your body into fight-or-flight mode. When a threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when a threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you\u2019re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Learning to let go of a grudge will not only make you feel better now but can also improve your health.<\/p>\n

They Won\u2019t Say Yes Unless They Really Want To<\/strong><\/p>\n

Research conducted at the University of California in San Francisco shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout, and even depression. Saying no is indeed a major challenge for most people. \u201cNo\u201d is a powerful word that you should not be afraid to wield. When it\u2019s time to say no, emotionally intelligent people avoid phrases like \u201cI don\u2019t think I can\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m not certain.\u201d Saying no to a new commitment honors your existing commitments and gives you the opportunity to successfully fulfill them.<\/p>\n

_______________________________<\/p>\n

Travis Bradberry – I am the author of the best-selling book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and the cofounder of TalentSmart, a consultancy that serves more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies and is the world\u2019s leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training (www.TalentSmart.com). My books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. I\u2019ve written for, or been covered by, Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.<\/em><\/p>\n

Go to Original \u2013 forbes.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The trick is that managing your emotions is as much about what you won\u2019t do as it is about what you will do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[52],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-42447","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-health"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42447","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42447"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42447\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42447"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42447"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42447"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}