{"id":56987,"date":"2015-04-27T12:00:24","date_gmt":"2015-04-27T11:00:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/?p=56987"},"modified":"2015-05-05T21:25:49","modified_gmt":"2015-05-05T20:25:49","slug":"the-now-show-dr-seuss-at-copenhagen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/2015\/04\/the-now-show-dr-seuss-at-copenhagen\/","title":{"rendered":"The Now Show – Dr Seuss at Copenhagen"},"content":{"rendered":"

HILARIOUS! Read (below) as you listen to podcast.<\/em><\/p>\n

A Dr Seuss-style take on events at the 2009 United Nations Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen.<\/p>\n

httpv:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=3_RlKxz_ymQ#t=11
\nTRANSCRIPT<\/strong>: <\/strong>The delegates came and the delegates sat
\n<\/strong>And they talked and they talked till their bums all went flat
\nThen a delegate said of the country he knew
\n“We must do something quick but just what should we do?”
\nSo they sat again thinking and there they stayed seated
\nSitting and thinking “the planet’s been heated”
\n<\/em>“I think” said a delegate there from Peru
\n“That we all must agree on some things we could do
\nLike reducing emissions at least CO2”
\nSo they nodded and noted then vetoed and voted
\nAnd one of them stood up and suddenly quoted
\n“It’s the science you see, that’s the thing that must guide us
\nWhen the leaders all get here they’re certain to chide us”
\nSo they sat again thinking about what to think
\nThen decided to ponder what colour of ink
\nTo use on the paper when they\u2019d all agreed
\nTo be selfless not greedy McGreedy McGreed
\n“But how do we choose just what colour to use?”
\nSaid a delegate there who’d been having a snooze
\n“We need clear binding targets definitive action
\nWe must all agree clearly without more distraction”
\nSo they sat again thinking of targets for ink
\nBut the ink in their thinking had started to stink
\nAnd they started to think that the ink was a kink
\nIn the thinking about real things they should think
\n“If ze climate needs mending then zis is our chance”
\nSaid the nuclear delegate sent there by France
\n“We need to agree on one thing to agree on
\nSomething we all want a fixed guarantee on”
\n“Yes” said another who thought this made sense
\nSome value for carbon in dollars or pence
\nBut the mention of money and thoughts of expense
\nHad stifled the progress and things became tense
\nThe fella from China with a smile on his face
\nSaid “Who put the carbon there in the first place?”
\n“Wasn’t us” said the U.S then Europe did too
\nThen a silence descended and no words were spoken
\nTill a delegate stood up, voice nervous and broken
\n“Is there nothing upon which we all can decide?
\nBecause on Wednesday my chicken laid eggs that were fried”
\n“We all like a sing song” said the bloke from Down Under <\/a>
\nBut then the great hall was all shouting and thunder
\nPolicemen had entered and were wearing protesters
\nWho they’d beaten and flattened like bloodied sou’westers<\/a>
\nThe police had decided to downplay this crime
\nWith prevention detention and beatings in rhyme
\nThe Greenies<\/a> who’d shouted and asked for a decision
\nWere now being battered with lethal precision
\nAll sick of inaction and fed up of waiting
\nAll tired of the endless debated placating
\nThey’d risen up grating berating and hating
\nSo the police had commenced the related abating
\nBan Ki-moon<\/a> put his head in another man’s lap
\nAnd was last heard muttering something like “crap”
\nBut the chap next to him said “It’s more like it’s poo”
\nSo the great hall debated not what they should do
\nBut how to decide between crap cack and poo
\n“It is poo” “It is cack” “It is crap” “We agree”
\nWhich was written and labelled as document three
\n“I think if we all find one thing we agree on
\nThen maybe Brazil might be left with a tree on”
\nSo they sat again thinking of trees and Brazil
\nAnd of glaciers which had retreated uphill
\nAnd they thought of the poor folks whose homes were in flood
\nBut less of the protesters covered in blood
\nThey pondered the species so nearly extinct
\nIt’s as if they all thought that these things might be linked
\n“We need a solution we need action please”
\nSaid a lady who’d come from the sinking Maldives<\/a>
\nThe others all nodded and said it was fact
\nThat the time must be now not to talk but to act
\nThen Obama arrived and said most rhetorical
\n“Action is action and not metaphorical”
\n“Wow” they all thought “he must mean arregorical [sic<\/em>]”
\n“I love it when Barack goes all oratorical”
\n“But the problem I have is that Congress won\u2019t pass it
\n“Bugger” said Ban Ki then “sorry” then “arse it”
\nThen Brown<\/a> said “I’ve got it now how does this strike you?
\nIt’s simpler when voters already dislike you”
\nHe suggested the EU should lead from the front
\nSo The Mail<\/a> and The Telegraph<\/a>\u00a0 called him something very unpleasant indeed
\nSo the delegates stared at the text with red marks on
\nIgnoring the gales of laughter from Clarkson<\/a>
\nNo-one was satisfied nobody won
\nExcept the morons convinced it was really the sun
\nAnd they blew it and wasted the greatest of chances
\nInstead they all frolicked in diplomat dances
\nAnd decided decisively right there and then
\nThat the best way to solve it’s to meet up again
\nAnd decide on a future that’s greener and greater
\nNot with action right now but with something else later.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

HILARIOUS! Read as you listen to podcast. A Dr Seuss-style take on events at the 2009 United Nations Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[213],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-56987","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-food-for-thought"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56987","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=56987"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/56987\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=56987"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=56987"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=56987"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}