{"id":82241,"date":"2016-10-31T12:00:27","date_gmt":"2016-10-31T12:00:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/?p=82241"},"modified":"2016-10-30T15:40:06","modified_gmt":"2016-10-30T15:40:06","slug":"queen-offers-to-restore-british-rule-over-united-states","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/2016\/10\/queen-offers-to-restore-british-rule-over-united-states\/","title":{"rendered":"Queen Offers to Restore British Rule Over United States"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_82243\" style=\"width: 510px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Borowitz-Queen-Elizabeth-1200.jpg\" ><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-82243\" class=\"wp-image-82243\" src=\"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Borowitz-Queen-Elizabeth-1200-1024x724.jpg\" alt=\"PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY REX FEATURES VIA AP IMAGES\" width=\"500\" height=\"353\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Borowitz-Queen-Elizabeth-1200-1024x724.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Borowitz-Queen-Elizabeth-1200-300x212.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Borowitz-Queen-Elizabeth-1200-768x543.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/Borowitz-Queen-Elizabeth-1200.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 500px) 100vw, 500px\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-82243\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">PHOTOGRAPH COURTESY REX FEATURES VIA AP IMAGES<\/p><\/div>\n<p>In an unexpected televised address on Saturday [29 Oct 2016], Queen Elizabeth II offered to restore British rule over the United States of America.<\/p>\n<p>Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, the Queen said that she was making the offer \u201cin recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThis two-hundred-and-forty-year experiment in self-rule began with the best of intentions, but I think we can all agree that it didn\u2019t end well,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n<p>The Queen urged Americans to write in her name on Election Day, after which the transition to British rule could begin \u201cwith a minimum of bother.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Elizabeth acknowledged that, in the wake of Brexit, Americans might justifiably be alarmed about being governed by the British parliamentary system, but she reassured them, \u201cParliament would play no role in this deal. This would be an old-school monarchy. Just me, and then, assuming you\u2019d rather not have Charles, we could go straight to William and those children of his who have mesmerized you so.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Using the closing moments of her speech to tout her credentials, the Queen made it clear that she has never used e-mail and has only had sex with one person \u201cvery occasionally.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>_________________________________<\/p>\n<p><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/andy-borowitz-320.png\" ><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft wp-image-51101\" src=\"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/andy-borowitz-320-150x150.png\" alt=\"andy borowitz-320\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" \/><\/a>Andy Borowitz is a <\/em>New York Times<em> best-selling author and a comedian who has written for <\/em>The New Yorker<em> since 1998. In 2001, he created the Borowitz Report, a satirical news column that has millions of readers around the world, for which he won the first-ever <\/em>National Press Club<em> award for humor. The Borowitz Report was acquired by <\/em>The New Yorker<em> in 2012.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><a target=\"_blank\" href=\"http:\/\/www.newyorker.com\/humor\/borowitz-report\/queen-offers-to-restore-british-rule-over-united-states?mbid=nl_102916%20Borowitz%20Newsletter%20(1)&amp;CNDID=31231765&amp;spMailingID=9782894&amp;spUserID=MTMzMTgzMTY4MTQ1S0&amp;spJobID=1022341033&amp;spReportId=MTAyMjM0MTAzMwS2\" >Go to Original \u2013 newyorker.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In an unexpected televised address on Saturday [29 Oct 2016], Queen Elizabeth II offered to restore British rule over the United States of America. Addressing the American people from her office in Buckingham Palace, the Queen said that she was making the offer \u201cin recognition of the desperate situation you now find yourselves in.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[213],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-82241","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-food-for-thought"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/82241","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=82241"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/82241\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=82241"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=82241"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.transcend.org\/tms\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=82241"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}