Trump Offers Freed ISIS Fighters a Group Rate at Trump Doral Miami Resort
JOKE OF THE WEEK, 21 Oct 2019
18 Oct 2019 — Calling it a “once-in-a-lifetime incredible deal,” Donald Trump today offered recently-escaped ISIS fighters a group rate at his Trump National Doral Miami Resort.
“I am giving ISIS a group rate that entitles them to the full run of the golf course, the spa, you name it,” he said. “This is going to make the ISIS people very, very happy.”
The fighters can qualify for the group rate by presenting proof of ISIS membership and their recently freed status, Trump said.
Trump declined to say whether he would extend the same group rate to Kurdish fighters in Syria.
“I’m not a fan of the Kurds,” he said. “Where were the Kurds in 1776 when George Washington took control of the British airports?”
Shortly after Trump made the offer to ISIS, however, the group’s leader, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, issued a lukewarm response.
“We’ve read some not-so-great things about the Doral on TripAdvisor,” Baghdadi said. “If we wanted to go to a golf resort, we’d pick one that doesn’t have bedbugs.”
Andy Borowitz is a New York Times best-selling author and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. In 2001, he created the Borowitz Report, a satirical news column that has millions of readers around the world, for which he won the first-ever National Press Club award for humor. The Borowitz Report was acquired by The New Yorker in 2012.
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