[Political Satire] U.S. Promises Smooth Transfer of Quagmire from Afghanistan to Syria
ANGLO AMERICA, MILITARISM, ASIA--PACIFIC, CENTRAL ASIA, MIDDLE EAST AND NORTH AFRICA, SYRIA IN CONTEXT, TRIVIA, 24 Jun 2013
Andy Borowitz – The New Yorker
Supporters of the United States’ twelve-year quagmire in Afghanistan cheered the news today [19 June 2013] that the U.S. would strive to achieve a seamless transfer of that quagmire to Syria, effective immediately.
Army Gen. Martin Dempsey, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, sought to reassure those who were concerned that the U.S. withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan signalled a wavering of the nation’s commitment to being mired in open-ended military muddles.
“I can tell you, right here and right now, that the U.S. is every bit as determined to engage in an ill-defined, ill-advised and seemingly interminable mission in Syria as we were in Afghanistan,” Gen. Dempsey said. “All that’s changing is the Zip Code.”
General Dempsey said that the same tribal hatreds, sectarian violence, and untrustworthy alliances that made Afghanistan a quicksand-like morass are very much in evidence in Syria: “I am confident that we could be involved in Syria for many, many years before figuring out why we are there.”
Harland Dorrinson, executive director of the National Quagmire Institute, a think tank dedicated to promoting the United States’ involvement in intractable conflicts around the globe, said he found General Dempsey’s words about Syria reassuring: “I felt a lot better after hearing what he had to say, and I know a lot of defense contractors felt the same way.”
Go to Original – newyorker.com
DISCLAIMER: The statements, views and opinions expressed in pieces republished here are solely those of the authors and do not necessarily represent those of TMS. In accordance with title 17 U.S.C. section 107, this material is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. TMS has no affiliation whatsoever with the originator of this article nor is TMS endorsed or sponsored by the originator. “GO TO ORIGINAL” links are provided as a convenience to our readers and allow for verification of authenticity. However, as originating pages are often updated by their originating host sites, the versions posted may not match the versions our readers view when clicking the “GO TO ORIGINAL” links. This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, etc. We believe this constitutes a ‘fair use’ of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without profit to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes. For more information go to: http://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/17/107.shtml. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond ‘fair use’, you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.
Read more
Click here to go to the current weekly digest or pick another article:
ANGLO AMERICA:
- The United States Raises a Middle Finger to the International Criminal Court
- Biden’s Last Hurrah against Russia and Putin
- Touting Ceasefire in Lebanon, Biden Shares “Vision” for Permanent US-Israeli Aggression
MILITARISM:
- Lame Duck Biden Authorizes Ukrainian Attacks on Russia with Long-range US-made Weapons
- On Democracy NOW!--A Tale of Two Ongoing Genocides in Israel and Myanmar
- Thomas Merton on US Militarism
ASIA--PACIFIC:
- The Machu Picchu Declaration of the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation-APEC 2024
- Marxist Anura Kumara Dissanayake Wins Sri Lanka’s Presidential Elections
- Mongolia's Geopolitical Shift
CENTRAL ASIA:
- Pakistan--Where Conspirators Become Leaders
- Pakistan: The US Toppling of Imran Khan
- Pakistan in Search of New Life
MIDDLE EAST AND NORTH AFRICA:
- Rogue Israel Destroys 37 Towns, over 40,000 Houses in Deadly Onslaught on Lebanon
- The Effects of Israeli Barbarity
- Two Weeks in Beirut
SYRIA IN CONTEXT:
- The End of Obama’s War on Syria
- Hoax: UK Intelligence Spun 2013 Syria Chemical Attack, Leaked Docs Show
- The US Will Strengthen Its Occupation of Syria, while Plundering Oil Resources
TRIVIA: