Transcripts of Three International Phone Calls Intercepted by Pegasus Spy Transponders Last Week
JOKE OF THE WEEK, 12 Jan 2026
Vithal Rajan – TRANSCEND Media Service
The First conversation:
‘Hello there! Donald! This is your friend Carney! How you doing today, eh? I have very good news for you!
What?? No, no, not chili, chili con carne, no! I am your friend Mark Carney, from Ottawa! As I said, I have good news for you. Some of us here in Ottawa have been discussing your idea that the United States and Canada should merge together. Guess what? Guys here are enthusiastic!! Once it is done, we will name the areas south of our border The South-East Territories of our First Nations, including everyone from the Mohawks to the Pueblo! And you, Donald, will go down in history as the Big Chief Crazy Bull, who thought so imaginatively of merging stolen Indian territories with Canada!’
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The Second Conversation:
Mr. President, this is Mette, Mette Frederiksen. On behalf of my colleagues … Surely you know… no? Sir, I am the Prime Minister of Denmark, that’s right, Prime Minister. I have discussed your proposal of buying Greenland with all my colleagues in all Danish political parties, and even with the Queen.
I am glad to inform you we are all unanimously agreed … that means, without any dissent, we are agreed to give Greenland to the United States of America on a land swap basis. Now, Greenland with its vast mineral wealth is 4.1 million square kilometers in size, almost half the size of the United States. A swap acre for acre may not be practical. We thought of your interests and ours as well. We don’t want Alaska, we have too much ice here already. And I personally do not want Texas, firstly because fossil fuels will soon be outlawed universally, and secondly, because the populations we take into Denmark must be cultured – I am just being frank – always good in a business deal. And we don’t want gangster- controlled states such as Florida. So, after a lot of thought and discussion we are agreed to do the swap and take all of the North-Eastern part of the United States, Michigan, Minnesota, Indiana, New England, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Delaware, Washington DC – oh, we let you keep your house – and of course we want California, and all of the west coast right up to Puget sound. We know this deal is not fair to us, but you are a member of NATO and we are willing to make sacrifices for a friend.’
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The Third Conversation:
‘Dobroye Utro, dear Donald! This is your good friend Vladimir! Yes, calling you all the way from Moscow! So, how’s the real estate business doing today? I have exciting news for you! You know the Tzar sold Alaska in 1867 to the United States. No American then liked the deal and called it Seward’s Folly… who? Oh, yes, Seward was your Secretary of State who put through that deal. The United States paid Russia – wait to hear this, it will break your heart – two cents an acre! Just imagine, almost all of it just ice and snow. So, my dear friend, for the sake of our friendship, I am going to reverse the deal! And what is more I will pay three cents an acre to take back Alaska!! I have already sent you 10 million dollars by PayPal – don’t thank me, that is just how we Russians are, generous to a fault. My army is even now flying into Anchorage to take over and relieve you of that piece of ice.’
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Vithal Rajan, Ph.D. [L.S.E.], worked as a mediator for the church in Belfast; as faculty at The School of Peace Studies, University of Bradford, and as Executive Director, the Right Livelihood Award Foundation. He has founded several Indian NGOs, is an Officer of the Order of Canada, and a member of the TRANSCEND Network for Peace Development Environment. vithal.rajan@gmail.com
Tags: Canada, Denmark, Free Trade, Greenland, Joke, Putin, Russia, Trade, Trump, USA
This article originally appeared on Transcend Media Service (TMS) on 12 Jan 2026.
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