STUDENTS
COMMENTARY ARCHIVES, 13 Apr 2009
From actual students’ science papers:
"Algebraical symbols are used when you don’t know what you are talking about."
"Humans are more intelligent than beasts because the human brain has more convulsions."
"The earth makes one resolution every 24 hours."
"A triangle with an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle."
"To treat a snakebite: bleed the wound to remove the poison and rape the victim in a blanket against shock."
Some actual answers to test questions:
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard, and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand and dead animals.
Q: How is dew formed? A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.) A: The body consists of three main parts — the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What does "varicose" mean? A: Nearby.
Q: What is the fibula? A: A small lie.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarian Section." A: It is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure? A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness? A: When you are sick at the airport.
This article originally appeared on Transcend Media Service (TMS) on 13 Apr 2009.
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